Who I Was to Who I Have Become in Him
Updated: Apr 23, 2021
Before Jesus became the Lord of my life, you could say I was a person who was stubborn and had to learn life the hard way. Nobody could ever tell me anything and I would only know the consequences once I did what I was either told not to do or told to stay away from. I had a negative mindset and I was always the victim of something and it was never my fault as to why something happened. It was the constant blame game and the enemy had me going in a toxic circle; not only with myself but with my life and other people.
I left my old town at the age of 18 and wanted to live in the beautiful concrete jungle, New York City. I ended up going to college in the suburbs, worked a full-time job, and lived on my own. I took pride in that at the time, but I just couldn’t find happiness nor peace no matter my accomplishments. Just a side note, I lived paycheck to paycheck and felt I couldn’t get a break in life. To top it off, in that duration, I was in two different toxic relationships. One emotionally abusive and the other physically and emotionally abusive. Unfortunately, I saw all of the red flags telling me to stay away or to run for the hills, but of course, I didn’t listen.
Interestingly enough, I didn’t know who Jesus Christ was but I knew God briefly and I didn’t make the connection between the two. I would always say God is good but then go out and party, and drink the day after, or I would say God is going to take care of me and then spend any money I had left on things that weren’t going to benefit me. I knew God was in my life because I had seen and experienced miraculous things that happen that nobody could explain. Perhaps that one time I tried to commit suicide and God handwrote a letter to me and nobody could figure out who wrote it. Or that time I lost my job and my apartment in one day and the next day landed a job and got an apartment miraculously.
Even though I had seen this happen in my life, I just didn’t have a relationship with him and didn’t want to have a relationship with him because that meant I would have to give up my life and I wasn’t ready for that at the time. I wasn’t ready to give up certain people in my life or that lifestyle of fornication. I also had too much pride and ego to even say I needed a savior, but boy did I get humbled in a short amount of time.
One thing I realized was that I was using my free will to harm myself and allow the enemy to have a foothold in my life. If you allow the enemy to take an inch he will take 20 ft and make sure you suffer through it all. It wasn’t until I met laborers who were sent into my life to preach the Gospel to me that I began to understand. It led me to understand what Jesus Christ did for me on the Cross and going to church Sunday Mornings. I then began to experience episodes where the enemy would attack me and get inside of my head making me go against Jesus and blame Him for what I was enduring. But then, I reached my breaking point.
One morning changed my entire life forever. I had had enough of what I was enduring and experiencing. I was hot and cold at that point and I had to make a decision. I began to sob and cry out to the Lord to help me. I told Him I would serve Him for the rest of my life and that I was so sorry for all of the mistakes I ever made. I asked Him to give me a new life and I would do whatever it is He wanted me to do. I didn’t want that life anymore. As I was crying, I felt a transformation that day. I actually felt that my prayer was answered and that Jesus was in the works of giving me a new life. I will always remember that morning because that was the morning I got born again into a new creature.
A week later, I met my amazing husband - a spirit-filled, born-again, Holy Ghost-filled believer in Jesus, and shortly after we got married. I moved to a completely different state across the country, got a brand new job and my new life began. It was because of His love and mercy that He chose me before I chose Him, that He decided to bless me regardless of my past and wash me clean. I saw hope, prosperity, love, joy, peace… I saw Him in every aspect of my life, and today I am so grateful for the power and blood of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for what He did for me on that Cross because He saved me from not only a lifetime of torment and suffering but from eternal condemnation. Everything you will ever need comes from Jesus Christ and trust me it is never too late to say “Yes” to the King of Kings because His burial and resurrection is why I am here today to talk about my testimony and all that He has done for me. I pray that this blog blesses you as we go deeper in the revelation of the love of Jesus Christ that set me free and can do the same for you.